Those who can...

Bricks and mortar

2007-07-10T20:50:00.000+01:00

One thing I'd like to get sorted over the summer is some of
the exterior brickwork. The mortar joints are in a bit of
a mess and the best solution is probably to repoint.
Another option is some form of render; this is something
only 5-10% of houses in the area have, but something to
research anyway.
Had one of these reps round (you know the sort - cheap
aftershave, fake tan, lots of gold); it cost me two and a
bit hours of my life and I can't get that time back!
After hearing the thorough spiel he drew a figure in large
numbers, showed it to me and asked my thoughts.
8.8k, just for the front of the house(!)
I responded. The price was reduced by 25%.
My next response was even shorter and 'direct'.
Then another price was quoted if I signed today at that
very moment. The worrying thing is these tactics must
work on some people! I'd never heard of this company or
seen their work first hand and was given the opportunity
and privilege of signing up on the spot to some
ridiculous 30quid a week for the next ten years repayment option.
Anyway at this point I was stood up and the front door was opened.
He got the hint.

Before and After (3)

2007-07-04T17:15:00.000+01:00

Here are a few 'before' and 'during' photos of the lounge improvement project. Six months of fun and surprises! Hope to post some better after pics soon now the furniture's in.

Top Trumps

2007-06-25T17:36:00.000+01:00

Last week I tried to hide in my classroom, oh how I tried, but my ever-so-helpful colleagues whilst pretending to be busy (they were banging the keyboards randomly) told the cover manager exactly where I was! Result: one more cover lesson! I thought English was boring, French was alright but this was the worst lesson I've had to give yet - Sex Ed!!
I had another surprise this week, this time from a sixth form class. They had spent the lesson scribbling down notes on reciprocal trigonometric functions. Or so I thought. A few of the more enterprising had created a deck of Top Trumps cards. You know the sort, different characters with different attributes. This deck was based on the class...and not just the students. After confiscating them it seems I rated top in fields including 'Looks' and 'Maths Power' but scored low marks in 'Grumpiness' and 'Sobriety'.

Where there's smoke...

2007-06-14T16:57:00.000+01:00

I can't help but think previously mentioned university student who has been shadowing me this week has an inaccurate picture of life in the public sector. A few classes of mine are on study leave and as a result I was teaching a whopping one hour today. I did spend a fair bit of time in the staffroom with some colleagues discussing how best to cut vanilla cake and make fire using only natural means but I can only assure him that there are 'targets' and 'stress' in the public sector just like the lean efficient private sector. Right Anton? Back me up!

British P Power

2007-06-02T17:05:00.000+01:00

Ventured a bit further than Stockport for a night out and made a few interesting observations:
1) I'm not sure if people are getting friendlier or I just attract the more bizarre elements in pubs. I went to the bar and when I got back there was some stoned Welshman adamant on getting my friend to clap in a flamenco style. I wanted to find out how he lived his life (I know I shouldn't have) and when he had finished his clapping lesson revealed he was a train driver. That explains a lot.
2) I got ID'd, which I take as a compliment as well as a minor irritation. It's also really handy when you've got your driver's licence to hand unless of course the useless twonks at the DVLA have MISLAID YOUR LICENCE AGAIN.
3) Toilet attendants in the gents?! They seem to be cropping up more and more. Funnily enough I don't go to the gents solely to get aftershave or moisturise, so I just to try and avoid them.

The Battle of the Buff

2007-05-20T14:10:00.001+01:00

I have recently discovered that there will be a 'Battle of the Buff 2007' in Spain. Pete has set up the tournament and entered me into it along with him...there are no other entrants at the moment. The winner will apparantly be chosen by the ladies of the travelling group and the victor will enjoy holding the title 'the buffest bloke 2007'. Also, it seems the winner will not need to apply suncream himself for the duration of the trip, this will be 'graciously accpeted' by the ladies in the group.

The Apprentice

2007-05-17T17:31:00.000+01:00

No cover today but still some extra work, or more positively a promotion! Yes I now have something in common with Alan Sugar, namely potentially taking charge of mentoring would be apprentices (but in the field of teaching maths rather than buying and selling). Nice one.
By the way, can anyone else see a vague future resemblance between Anton and Nick Hewer?

Cover me

2007-05-16T17:39:00.000+01:00

The upper school may be on study leave but this makes me a prime candidate on these additional lessons I would have had free for covering others. Today I got the dreaded tap on the shoulder and told it was an English Lit lesson. Bugger. The aim was to discuss how this poem shows the differences in society. What?!

Pure magnetism

2007-05-05T14:39:00.000+01:00

It's last lesson Friday so it must be Maths with a bottom set of 13-14 year olds. One of them was particularly late and there are a wide variety of lame excuses, but this one was a first.
'Why are you late?'
'I was in Science'
'And?'
'And we were doing about magnetism'
'And?'
'I brought a magnet away with me'
Now this was a fairly substantial magnet he produced from his pocket, it was maybe 5cm x 3cm x 2cm. This still didn't fully explained why he was late and still looked flustered.
So another 'And?' was needed.
'And?'
'And my friend has just had braces fitted to her teeth'
'Please tell me you didn't...'
'I'm sorry sir'
So in a quest of scientific discovery this pupil had stuck a huge magnet to a girl's braces. He had then spent the time inbetween lessons trying to prise it off. The girl had apparantly been a bit uncomfortable during this process as it was a strong magnet and she could feel her teeth being pulled along with the attempts to remove the magnet. Ouch!

Before and after (2)

2007-04-29T12:18:00.000+01:00

For the second consecutive Saturday in a fortnight I sacrificed a night out in Manchester with the chaps to further progress of the next room in the decorating project. I started at 9.30 and finished almost exactly 12 hours later - result: the entire room is prepped and papered and will be painted over the next couple of evenings. This hopefully puts me in a position to get laminate flooring in next weekend and begin a selective policy of who can come in through the front door into this terrific room (take note Russ) and who has to again access through the back passage, so to speak. I hope to have some photos showing the progression through the last four months of this project-nudge, nudge Anton!

Magic Beans

2007-04-10T12:34:00.000+01:00

I got back from a trip to the Czech Rep last night and was pretty impressed by it all. Although I am not particularly keen on Prague, which is already a tourist trap at this time of year, once you get out into the rest of the country you see provincial towns that rival some of the many places I've visited (and remember I've been to Zimbabwe and Bosnia so we're talking 'creme de la creme'). The Czechs have managed to keep the historic centres in Tabor, Cesky Krumlov and Cesky Budeowice looking original and I'm thankful the package holidays haven't started venturing too much out of Prague (yet!). The beer and food was outstanding and I bought some beans that may or may not be magic. I intend to plant them in the back garden for the summer.

A day in the life of T

2007-03-28T20:44:00.000+01:00

This week has been a particularly obscure one:
Form - uneventful probably because only 2 out of 14 of them decided to show on time.
Year 12 - attempted to teach trigonometric functions to a class containing a leper. (later it transpired he was quite visibly part way through a bout of chicken pox)
Year 11 - typically laid back and unconcerned about their forthcoming exams - so much so that senior members of staff are carrying out a 'Classwatch' system - more like Crimewatch...
Year 10 - stopped by a pupil and told that he hates me. In the words of Phil: 'Fair enough'. You can't get on with everyone. He feels the reaction he receives from me is not sufficient so backs it up with ‘faggot’.
Year 9 - observe one pupil break off from their work to snort a line of some substance. The substance is confiscated and turns out to be paprika.
Year 7 - After being given a detention, a pupil feels it would please me to see how my teaching has contributed to his numeracy skills by counting to 1 using the necessary number of digits from the middle of his fist, this was delivered with a pleasant smile, a nice touch.
Form - On my way to form I pass a pupil (supposedly in my form) going in the opposite direction. When asked (in a non aggressive manner) to get to form I suffer a Vicky Pollard routine of
a) being ignored
b) 'Alright!'
c) 'I don't care'

The need for 'Stout' character

2007-03-18T13:46:00.000Z

One of my pupils found my myspace site I'd created just to start subscribing to other people's blogs. Without a second thought I accepted his request to be added as a friend and now my inbox is deluged by what must be close to 20 pupils - the thing is I don't even teach a few of them. Perhaps the cult of Mr T is the next big thing.
At home I spent yesterday happily chipping away old plaster, only to discover a botch job lurking behind it. It actually feels like things are going backward everytime I try and get a task completed. I also got to see the local football club squander a three nil lead to end the match with a draw. A pretty frustrating day all in all.
I'm also planning to try brewing a stout over the next couple of weeks - if you have a few empty brown bottles spare for when it comes to bottling, it would come in handy!

The world in red

2007-03-15T08:10:00.000Z

Gone are the days when a good proportion of the world map was shaded red showing British influence, but in the footsteps of John I have created a world map showing countries I have visited. Approximately 50 in total, I'm sure Anton will point out any porkies!

Housewarming

2007-03-11T20:31:00.000Z

Someone was spraying a jet wash over my car this morning and at my lounge floor window. It wasn't particulalry early this happened but I'd had a late night previously and hadn't the motivation to get up to see what was happening.
What had actually happened was my neighbours were washing their cars and ran the hose over mine to concentrate all the dirt and grime towards the bottom...a blatant attempt to shame me into washing my car. They'd given one house window a quick rinse too and were tempted to aim a jet through the bedroom window to wake me up.

Why would the neighbours want to do this? Well Anton and my return from Mini and Charlotte's 'housewarming' at 3am was likened to that of 'a herd of elephants'. Anyway the home brew met with some acclaim on it's inaugral night and a four hour session of Ring of Fire must be close to a Ranger's record. Good work M and C!!

Ways to spend a weekend

2007-03-08T17:38:00.000Z

I know some people might question or possibly respect my continued dedication to the home improvements, but 'Marple' Phil's allocation of his spare time in contrast is bonkers,incredible or both. He's written a little report describing it...you may have to scroll down a bit

Hot air

2007-03-04T19:33:00.000Z

Got a text whilst out in Manchester last night telling me that the world was ending and to go and look at the moon. I left my beer and the pub for a look but overcast conditions meant I didn't get to see the lunar eclipse until later. Incredible stuff...cheers Russ! (for the text that is, not rearranging planetary orbits)
Now down to progress on the house - finally got to use my Christmas present, a hot air gun, from Ian & Rog. This is a handy gadget for removing old paint, saves hours and sandpaper. Thought I'd share a quote from instruction manual: "Do not use this product as a hair dryer"

Handyman

2007-03-01T16:40:00.000Z

Yesterday was pay day and B&Q's over 60's day. My Dad kindly obliged and helped me get an extra 10% off all the bits and pieces for a tidy fireplace and surround - it was worthwhile as the bill with discounts was around 400 quid. A potential nice little earner is my fellow colleagues - they have the impression I'm now a competent professional and are offering me a bit of money to do some work on their places.
The lounge is on the way to becoming habitable - hit a tiny snag when taking up the old lamintae flooring though. It seems the previous occupants dog had relieved itself on the floor and this had seeped into the membrane beneath. Result: me running for the front door gagging for air while my neighbour - immune seemingly as he's a dog owner - took the mick for the next two days. It's worth taking the abuse and demeaning comments however as they had a spray that neutralised the smell totally - a good job as Anton moved in that evening. Current attempt's to get next doors dog, Jake, to be friendly towards Anton aren't working - any ideas....anyone??

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

2007-02-22T17:07:00.000Z

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point
a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want
Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has
Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling
Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Before and after

2007-02-16T15:57:00.000Z

Finally got some photo evidence of some of what
I've been doing on the house over the past few
months. This is the spare bedroom, hopefully you can guess which is the before and after! (Hint: the brewing equipment may give it away!)

Mr T's Brewery Tour

2007-02-11T10:55:00.000Z

Walk around nearly 0.003 years of brewing excellence, take a step into tradition with one of our experienced tour guides. After a short but non-informative introduction held on the pavement, they will accompany you round the Brewery. The definition of such terms as "mashing", "wort" and "rousing" will not be explained properly to you. Your tour will conclude with the opportunity to sample some budget supermarket beers within the comfort of the kitchen where you will be able to purchase mementos of your visit.
There will be a non refundable charge of £0.24.

A pint, anyone?

2007-02-02T17:08:00.000Z

About 8 years ago I made my first attempt at brewing beer. 'T's Special Reserve' met with some success, though is remembered more for it's strength than taste. Now that I have a basement and risk no complaints from family about the smell, (I prefer the term 'aroma'), I'm planning on giving it another bash. This time, however, I intend to spend more money on equipment and ingredients than I did during my college days and also produce a larger quantity. The first batch (approx 40 pints) will be bottled in 500ml glass bottles with a specially desgined label (thanks Matt!).
To this end I am fielding the questions:
'Any volunteers/victims for tasting the first batch?'
'Any suggestions for name's?' ('Teacher's Pet' and 'Behaviour for Learning have already been suggested)

I teach kids, therefore I drink.

2007-01-31T17:29:00.000Z

Some interesting pupils around at school.
Exhibit A
I could hear the sound of something repeatedly bashing against metal earlier this week. A colleague came in, explained there was a pupil repeatedly headbutting a locker and asked 'What do I do about this?'. Senior management were quite happy that we 'leave him to it'. He was encouraged to find something more wholesome to do and since has been seen wandering around school with a huge red welt on his forehead.
Exhibit B
There was a fictional pupil last year. Although the set lists were checked to make sure this name wasn't wasn't some obscure form of child cruelty: Mike Oxbig.

Goal of the decade

2007-01-29T19:20:00.000Z

British Teacher Arrested

2007-01-21T20:43:00.000Z

A school teacher from Manchester was arrested today at John F.Kennedy International Airport, he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.' 'When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Dogs

2007-01-11T21:00:00.000Z

A couple of interesting developments this week, all school related.
As Peter Kay recalls "Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school". Well that day for me was yesterday morning at approx 8.30am when a dog shot past me on the corridor and disappeared round the corner before I could wake up and realise what had just happened. The pesky mutt was shepherded into the Maths office, where the female members of staff (predictably?) scarpered/reprimanded colleagues for bringing pets into school/went hysterical after noticing it was a 1 of the 4 breeds of dog considered dangerous by the Home Office. A pit bull.
But the most sinister event happened later that day. Clearing the table in the office we couldn't trace the owner to a bottle of drink. The liquid inside was clear and pale yellow in colour. Worst suspicions were disregarded until today, when the liquid had become 'cloudy' and a couple of tentative 'sniffs' confirmed it wasn't fruit juice. A full sniff was made by a colleague who nearly dry wretched, and another colleague proclaimed 'Seriously, something has to be done about this. We can't just have people coming into our office and p***ing'. The merits of asking the science lab to confirm what we are 99% sure of are being considered, though this won't do the department's image any good....

Be-MUSE-d

2007-01-09T20:40:00.000Z

Happy New Year. I still don't think teachers get enough time off...to prepare and mark things and stuff. Anyway after a restful break in Windermere over New Year (involving navigating myself and a trusty companion into a swamp, farmers rubbish dump and then a LAKE of silage) I am back in school. The theme for this week from two of my different classes involves likening my appearance to Matt Bellamy from the band MUSE. I don't see a strong likeness, but there are plenty of worse things my colleagues have been called.

The ethics of playing poker on Christmas Eve

2006-12-25T19:35:00.000Z

Merry Christmas! It was a busy Christmas Eve so it was good to unwind today. I left the pub last night to go to a neighbour's party, when I got there it had inexplicably moved to another house (not mine thankfully). The split was quite obvious too - the ladies and young children were in the lounge singing or waiting on others whilst in the back the chaps were enjoying the beers and doind very little to help out. A few jibes about my profession, and other neighbour's 'preferences' or gullibility and drinking game number one began. This involved blowing cards off a bottle. Then poker, where we were told on several occasions it was like 'trying to play with Zippy and Bungle', through until about 1am when we were reminded there were young kids trying to get to sleep before Santa arrived. I earlier mentioned to one of the nippers to ask Santa to give me his thoughts on the state of my roof and the displaced slates. No word yet...

How old are you, son?

2006-12-24T10:12:00.000Z

It's been quite a week of drinking for me which probably explains the lack of posts. Whether it's whole school parties, departmental parties, neighbours parties, friends parties or forthcoming Christmas Eve parties I feel a bit ashamed of myself when I wake up the next day for subjecting my liver to another consecutive day of booze. However everything can apparantly be justified with the quote 'It's Christmas!' and the rate I push myself the next day on projects in the house.
Things are progressing quite well, the spare room is on schedule and my partition wall was ripped down yesterday thanks to my neighbours yesterday.

But back to the title. Not my words or the words of a disappointed father but those of a bouncer at the Printworks last night. This is the second time I've been ID'd in a couple of months! My friend's attitudes at this seem to have changed too, from finding it amusing they now find my youthful boyish looks annoying!!

Taxpayers - your money in action!

2006-12-11T19:21:00.000Z

I wanted to comment on my Friday. As some of you are aware I had a whole 10 minutes contact time with a class before enjoying a couple of frees then heading into Manchester for a Maths Inspiration seminar with my sixth form class. This lasted for about two and a half hours. I then went for a beer or two with the chief of sixth form maths (5 hours). Some of you have been suggesting I've got it easy. Now I'll be the first to admit I did enjoy Friday, but it was a tiny break in a jungle of work and burden of responsibility.

This morning, reporting back to the department I realised I remembered more about the beers (near the Fringe bar there is a place serving Rosewood ale, highly recommended!) than the seminar, I learned that one of my Year 9 classes had staged a revolt against the Austrian supply teacher ("We want Mr T back, we want Mr T back!"), and that over the course of the next few weeks I'll have 20 pieces of GCSE coursework to mark, 25 A-level mock exams, 25 mock GCSE papers, 88 Year 8 SATS papers and 93 Year 7 numeracy tests!
And to think I have to wait until 53 before I can take semi-retirement!!

Did you know Tameside Council has managed to save £16,000 this year by making departments turn their computers off overnight?

Cheap Television

2006-11-26T18:59:00.000Z

I can report that progress is being made on the house, mainly the spare room: a lowered ceiling and additional insulation. I did manage to injure myself late last night while trying to help Matt - by attempting to stop him frequenting Burger King. Foolish I know. My method was jumping him from behind, but he mistook the ambush for a chav attack and I landed on my side on the hard concrete...he fell over a few seconds later...

So it appears Channel 4 are filming at my school this week. They are making a programme where they give a load of money to students (and I'm talking a few grand here) to put on a 'prom'. The build up and event are all filmed and aired on E4 and Channel 4 next year. They could have got away with giving them a few hundred quid and making it a challenge, however to the big shots in TV the production cost must be miniscule compared to Big Brother.

Mr T (not yet rated)

2006-11-14T20:31:00.000Z

A friend of mine relayed something to me that he had heard on the radio. It shouldn't really surprise me but some bright spark has set up a website enabling kids to rate their teachers in terms of clarity and helpfulness. They can also write little comments in addition to their ratings. A smily or sad face then appears next to the teacher to show how they have been rated by their pupils in general.

"Has Mr. T made an appearance on these listings?" you ask with baited breath?
No - but these things have the tendency to spread so I await my professional ability being put on internet trial for all to see!

Spoon fed

2006-11-10T17:09:00.000Z

You may probably not be aware that GCSE coursework for Maths is being phased out in a couple of years. Brilliant! It just doesn't work. The kids either get help from their parents, do nothing at all, or expect to be spoon fed.

In an effort to get the most from my classes, I created a template for them to design their work round featuring starter phrases like 'In today's lesson you will do...' and 'My hypothesis is...'.

My expectations of my lower sets isn't great but imagine my horror now as I trawl through the stuff to see some pages written with the same incomplete sentences like 'In today's lesson you will do this' and 'My hypothesis is...'!!
Oh crap!

Housewarming

2006-11-04T17:54:00.000Z

I followed wisdom and decided to invite my friends over for a housewarming before any of the serious cosmetic improvement work begins. (There are certain people who have in the past pulled handles off doors and broken floorboards). There was some minimal damage to the house, however this led to some more potentially serious damage to a relationship.
Anyway, I am pleased to say I think the event was a big success - the food, and the company (neighbours, friends, colleagues...). The neighbours enjoyed it so much they have suggested a New Year's Eve bash chez T's.

We did nip out to one of the nearby pubs that had put in a shoddy bid to become 'Mr T's local', however there are still some other strong candidates before the decision is made.

Polly - phonic ringtone

2006-10-25T19:46:00.000+01:00

I've spent my first couple of nights in the house and discovered a couple of things.

'A drink' at a particular neighbour's involves not less than a few large glasses of red wine and numerous generous Irish whiskies. Everyone goes off to work the next day and I am the only one feeling worse for wear.
Anything that looks easy is difficult. Anything that looks difficult is impossible.
The parrot at the same neighbours can do faultless impressions. It's current repetoire includes 'silly parrot' and 'slappers'. But by far it's most impressive impersonation at this early stage is that of my home phone ringing. The sod.

Anyway I am sans broadband at the house currently so updates will be a bit sparse. I hope to post one soon after the exclusive housewarming event this weekend.

Teachers, animated

2006-10-18T21:05:00.000+01:00

A few things to report from the classroom this week. I'll try and save the best 'til last.

I have frittered away the final week of this half term by littering my lessons with Darth Vader quotes. They were relevant and difficult to spot at the start of the week (eg 'apology accepted' and no homework='you have failed me for the last time'), but are getting more blatant (feedback on my teaching methods='I find your lack of faith disturbing'). No one has picked up on it yet, so presumably they all think Mr T has lost it.

In second place, a totally unexpected event I have already bewildered most of you with. The story of a lad who got 'over stimulated' during a lesson on simultaneous equations. I'll tell you more on that one face to face.

But the outright winner involves the website youtube. Yes, it seems some young wag has created a video animation with musical accompanyment featuring the school and a selection of teachers (thankfully I have escaped), however the head is not best pleased!
To find the video, go to youtube, type in the name of the school I teach at (all one word) and also the word 'animation'. Turn your speakers up!!

Master of Flags

2006-10-06T17:22:00.000+01:00

A school related post this time. I am beginning to get my name known around the staffroom. Last week it was European Day of Languages in the school. This meant tacky continental music being piped around the corridors, croissants in the staffroom, trying to teach a part of my lesson in a foreign language and a competition to identify all the flags on a banner in the staffroom.
With flags that seemed obvious to me (Bulgaria, Croatia etc) the temptation to show my worldliness prevailed and I entered. The results were announced in an all staff morning briefing (circa 80 people), and I was victorious. Amongst mutterings from my colleagues I collected my prize from the Headteacher: a bottle of US(?) wine.

Although this has got me known, I am not sure in what light I'm regarded. The fallout has been numerous comments from random members of staff in the corridor suggesting I keep a book of flags at the side of my bed, others ask how the hell I knew the flags and an unconfirmed rumour I was the only entrant in the competition anyway!!

Kids and Wetherspoons

2006-09-30T23:27:00.000+01:00

The school disco went by without event, the most exciting event of the night was a kid drinking coke to fast and feeling unwell. However this was a disco for 11 year olds, so future discos may herald more excitement!

Instead I've been getting a dose of stress from the professionals. British Gas have failed to show up on two occasions to reconnect the gas (putting the firing up of the boiler further back), and the Inland Revenue are insisting I have a second income working for JD Wetherspoons and want to know my earnings.

House
Strengthening back door: ON TARGET
Recommissioning the boiler: ONE WEEK BEHIND

Operation Agent Orange

2006-09-25T21:07:00.000+01:00

Work on the house continues - the next two projects will be re-commissioning the boiler and fitting a new hardwood exterior door at the back. Anthony and Pete helped in Operation Agent Orange last weekend. This was an attempt to mask a foul odour (probably urine) in one of the rooms with Shake n Vac. I think it's time for a new carpet.

A housewarming sometime over the next few weeks perhaps? The house will look equally shoddy before and after the event then anyway (not looking in your direction Russ!)

Boiler, roof and 'pest control'

2006-09-21T18:33:00.000+01:00

Progress on the house is looking good. Electric, phone and cold water are all charged and operational. The next challenge is the boiler (the pressure gauge appears inactive making it impossible to know the system is running at a safe pressure) and the roof (a few slates where they shouldn't be...or not even there at all!) so the weekend will be spent attempting to procure the services of competent 'professionals'.

School has had it's events to. No not planning the Year 7 disco next week but shotgun fire being heard in the surrounding woodland before school started yesterday. The entire student population was forced inside the school building as soon as they arrived and sent to classes early while armed police investigated.
It turns out it was some contractors doing pest control for a neighbouring farmer. For some reason it hadn't occured to them to inform the authorities of their planned firearm activities!!

MA-ybe not

2006-09-17T18:46:00.000+01:00

After a busy week at school and the new home I'm probably not going to pursue the MA in Education. The school offers excellent in-house training that a formal qualification would struggle to beat and my spare time is at a premium anyway...

So more on the new home. I got the keys on Wednesday and this weekend has been the first proper weekend of work. After conscripting the services of my immediate family I am ahead of target - both electricity and cold water are up and running and the minor issues* have been resolved. Today however, the presence of my toddler niece and a young cousin left there by her parents somewhat affected productivity!

(*minor issues: non-watertight connection to upstairs sink - minor dribbling, corroded overflow to bath - water dripping through the dining room ceiling, items found in different u-tubes - included toothbrush, earring, hair bobble, and earring)

Crime and Punishment

2006-09-11T18:08:00.000+01:00

There's been some interest in how Mr T chooses to dispense punishment in the classroom.
So for your reading pleasure here is this weeks current top 3:

Writing lines on the board (yes seriously)
A bonus after school Maths lesson
Copying out the index/contents from a textbook (cheers for the tip Nev)

The week that was

2006-09-08T17:07:00.000+01:00

Today was marks the end of my first week in this teaching post. It would be great to mention a few of the things that have happened this week but most involve giving particular details that would reveal the kid's identity and make me the recipient of a P45. I can however tell you that the school had it's best year yet at GCSE (maybe not a surprise given the year on year national improvement) and some pupils that failed their GCSE's did so beacuse they were languishing in jail!

Awards

2006-09-02T19:11:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I received the ultimate accolade from a team mate, an award commending my service to Bramhall Rangers. As the seventh recipient, I join a list of mighty footballing heroes.

I am of course talking about the Anton Lowe Achievement/Memorial Award. It is now in my care for the season and will soon take pride of place in my pad.

Teaching for Mugs

2006-09-01T17:08:00.000+01:00

I returned back home yesterday from family hols in Cemaes Bay (highly recommended) for 5-a-side duty and the first day on The Manchester City Council payroll (a training seminar for newly qualified teachers in city). As well as the mundane stuff about how my life will cease and tales of corporal punishment, I learnt that most councils in the area pay their staff on the 15th of the month, in this authority I have to wait to the 31st. However we did all inexplicably get a mug each showing the (traditional) sights of Manchester...so that makes up for it.

Some of the comments from the training staff present?
"If people ask you what you do don't reply 'I'm just a teacher'. Instead say 'I enrich the lives of young people'. Maybe then others will reply 'I'm just a banker'."
However, I will leave you with my personal favourite:
"Remember, if your class of 14 year olds wants to kill you, they could"

Going Nuclear

2006-08-25T17:46:00.000+01:00

Sorry if the title is a disappointment - this post is on Iran, not UK energy policy!

Iran seems more of a regional power now than it has been for decades. The reason: the US and allies. Once hemmed in by anti-social and slightly aggressive neighbours; like a Taliban ruled Afghanistan on one side and a war loving Hussein Iraq on another; Iran has had these regimes overthrown courtesy of the West and is now rumoured to be concentrating on other projects: nuclear weapons.
You could say what's all the fuss? The US, France, India, Pakistan and possibly N. Korea all have nuclear weapons, what difference does one more member to the club make?

The answer is Ahmadinejad.
He says Iran needs nuclear energy to boost it's economy (although Iran is sitting on a shedload of oil they actually have to import refined oil products because they lack the technology themsleves), whilst the US and others (including Israel) suspects more sinister reasons.
The guy recently fired upon, then seized a Romanian oil rig in Iranian waters and detained 26 workers in what the oil company describe as an "act of piracy"
I get the impression the Iranian populace is slightly worried by their leader's aggressive actions, continual taunting of the West and his unhidden desire to destroy Israel. It is bound to attract the attention of the US and their interesting way of solving problems in the region.The Iranians are now willing to engage in serious talks over their nuclear programme, an option China and Russia are keen to promote, but the US doesn't feel talks will meet the UN's demands.
We shall see...

Stop Carol!

2006-08-22T14:32:00.000+01:00

It's probably accurate to say that most people that watch daytime tv are living on benefits, otherwise unemployed, students or bored housewives. It's with more frustration than usual I bear these adverts than at other times. The reason is mainly one specific type of ad: debt consolidation.

These adverts seem to encourage particularly finanicially vulnerable people that have exhausted all other sources of loans to either lump all their debts with this one firm, and even take out more money. Britain has record levels of debt, all these companies want a piece of the market so in desperation have started lending to people who were in the past too much of a risk. Anyway, I am particularly disappointed with Carol Vorderman. Perceived by most as a genius, she has sold out to a loan consolidation company who are gleefully cashing in on her 'anything she endorses most be brilliant, I will sign up for without any thought' credentials. "Life is for living" so "splash out a bit" she enthuses. Stop her here!

Bulgarians and Romanians

2006-08-21T12:38:00.000+01:00

Is immigration and multi-culturalism getting more general interest now than it used to?
I spent a productive morning shopping at the Co-op and was amazed to hear the bakery staff debating Bulgaria and Romania's accession to the European Union. The vibe was certainly in favour of limiting immigration if not stopping it completely.
The argumnets for this were varied:

"they're twenty years behing us",
"they will work for the minimum wage and have an effect on unemployment levels",
"they cut grass with those metals things" (I think she meant scythes).

Reflecting on the effect when the last wave of Eastern European countries joined, former minister Frank Field remarked "We foolishly went ahead and had an open-door policy and instead of between 5,000 and 13,000 people arriving, in the first year something like half a million did. We've now got Bulgaria and Romania coming down the road at us. We need to impose those barriers until there is a Europe-wide policy."
Pretty sensible really, most existing EU members are limiting immigration so where will everyone else go? The UK of course.
The government do tell us that they are all coming here to strengthen our economy, so as tax payers I strongly agree they have every right to use our public services. If they are criminal types (“Crime and corruption in Bulgaria are huge problems and once the borders open up the country will be exporting both to the EU,” says Tsar Kiro, the leader of Bulgaria's gypsy community) or benefit cheats what effect will that have on our limited public resources?

The Conservatives seem an effective opposition for once calling for these limits, and hopefully the knee jerk reaction from Darling will actually go through with the full backing of an effective Home Office.

Update 22/08/06: Interesting information on current migrant workers

Snakes on a Blog

2006-08-18T11:08:00.000+01:00

After hearing a trailer on the radio for the film 'Snakes on a Plane' I was left perplexed. How did the snakes get on the plane? For what reason? Did the producers just dream up this title and devise a story to fit around it? (They contemplated renaming it to Pacific Air Flight 121 - Samuel L Jackson said no way)
In the film it seems a mafia boss arranges for hundreds of snakes to be released on a commercial flight to silence the prosecutions star witness who is on that flight. This is absurd.

How did they get the snakes on board? I was contemplating phoning to see whether I could check a snake or snakes as cargo or carry on but the corporate websites provided all the information I needed.
Anyway, with the purpose of examining the reality of the film plot I have found the following from some UK airlines:

British Airways:
"Pets are carried in the cargo hold, which is located underneath the passenger cabin, in the aircraft." (How would the snakes get from the cargo hold to the passenger area?)
Ryanair:
"No other animals apart from guide dogs are accepted by Ryanair." (Train several snakes to bark and put a harness on them?)
Easyjet:
"The carriage of live animals, including pets, insects, reptiles, or any other form of livestock, is forbidden under any circumstances,"

So there you have it.
Surely it's cheaper and easier to hire a hitman for a single target.
But the title of the film caught Samuel L Jackson's attention, and it seems the producers have a sure fire hit before it's even reached the cinema. Here are a few quotes apparantly in the film:

These aren't North American snakes. These snakes aren't even from this continent!
You know all those security scenarios we ran? Well I'm smack in the middle of one we didn't think of.
I've had it with these m*********ing snakes!

"By the powers invested in me by a text vote on Sky News"

2006-08-16T20:07:00.000+01:00

Recently during a Russo-Chinese festival, President Putin kissed a young flower girl on the stomach. Soon after a member of the clergy congratulated a girls excllent work at a school fete here in the UK by kissing her on the forehead. That was the end of the matter for Putin, but not for the clergyman. A complaint was made and the fellow was hauled over the coals and given a good telling off.

But the job should fall to the Criminal Records Bureau whose responsibility it is to label who should and shouldn't work around children and the vulnerable by checking past criminal convictions rather than these circumstantial observations. CRB clearances don't guarantee innocence of course, cynics can argue everyone are potential offenders who haven't been caught.

Increasingly it seems we are seeing witch hunts by obsessed over-the-top liberals and, of course, our objective friends the media. The CRB do make mistakes and are a bit on the slow side but they are infinitely preferable to the 'Paedo-finder General'.
I agree the churchman was a bit naive to think someone in the audience would not take offence, but it seems a relatively innocent gesture of goodwill to me. How long would Jesus have lasted with his 'hands on' approach in 21st century Britain?

Prescott in the hot seat

2006-08-14T13:58:00.000+01:00

Blair is abroad but insists on handling the Middle East crisis himself. Disgraced Prescott still remains as deputy Prime Minister, despite the two year affair with his secretary, and has been relieved of the majority of his former duties.

So what exactly is the Deputy Prime Minister doing, despite retaining his perks and collecting £134,000 a year?

The job Prescott is entrusted with is advising people on the weather, which reflects the value Blair puts on his contributions. Apparantly he has met with health officials and representatives from the MET office. A Prescott spokesman said: "There has already been one heatwave, so he is satisfying himself that all the plans are in place should there be another."
Weather forecast for the UK?

Mr. T (MA)

2006-08-11T17:09:00.000+01:00

'I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve' (Koran 8:12)

2006-08-10T15:21:00.000+01:00

Well done to the security services. They took a big kick in the nads when they stormed a house in London a few weeks ago only to find nothing (nothing=no chemical bomb).
What they did find was a stash of cash (£38,000 in used notes) and child porn.
Today they've done themselves proud.

The Death of C.S.

2006-08-09T15:27:00.000+01:00

Thought I'd share an e-mail I received the other day:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band Aid to a student - but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband,
churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers:
I Know My Rights,
Someone Else is to Blame,
and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Me, Pope John Paul II and maybe even Schroder and Mugabe

2006-08-08T17:11:00.000+01:00

According to The Political Compass if the four of us got together for a drink and a chat chez Mr T's apparantly we wouldn't argue too much about politics. Regrettably due to mortality issues and EU travel restrictions against two guests we'll never have this opportunity. Conversely, if my guests were a Mr Hussein, George W Bush and The Dalai Lama it's likely there would be more heated debate and potential bloodshed.

A walk through the moors

2006-07-31T22:25:00.000+01:00

Managed an 18 mile hike with Anthony from my front door to Edale. Despite vagrant cows on narrow footpaths (can farmers not lock these beasts up?), wrong turns through metre high grass and the first day of torrential rain in months.
Anyway, here's Anton enjoying a refreshing swig of Tunisian mineral water on the moors.